How to Re-Kindle the Spark of Romance

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Whenever I start pondering the subject of relationships, I am reminded of the fact that we, like the animals, are governed by some fairly primitive biological programming. The purpose of this programming is to insure the survival of the species, most often in the realm of procreation.

Taken from a loftier point of view, our connections with the opposite sex can be viewed as romantic, fulfilling, intellectual, educational, exciting and fun. We delight in these higher functions because we are a higher form of life, perhaps the highest form of life on the planet, although I have met some whales and dolphins who would disagree with that characterization. Beneath it all, though, it is useful to recognize that we are governed by our natural instincts.

Because we don’t think of humans as animals and because we see our romantic connections and relationships as dominant factors in our existence, it upsets us when we see romantic passion begin to diminish with time as the occurrences of life acquire their own importance as apparent competitors to romantic life.

Remember your first high school crush? In just a few moments you were changed from a clear-thinking young person to someone with stars in his or her eyes. All you could concentrate on was your new love and it was difficult to eat, difficult to sleep and difficult to have a regular relationship with friends and family. That was likely not the final romance of your life and, when this first one crashed, you encountered still another new sensation called a broken heart. It may have looked like the world had ended and your life was finished. Time heals all wounds and so, after some time, you recovered and became “normal” again. You were, in point of fact, able to consider the idea of a new love with another person. This time, you told yourself, you would be more watchful and “do it right” so that you would never have to suffer the pain of a broken heart again for the rest of your life.

For a period of time, you dated and possibly might have been a bit promiscuous every now and then as you waited for the perfect person, the love of your life, to show up and dash into your waiting arms. During this period of time you had a lot of enjoyment and some hard knocks too. And then, when you least anticipated it, you met the love of your life, fell in love and got married.

At first, it was even more astonishing that had been heralded by all the poets and romantics of history. Sex was not only frequent but splendid. It seemed that you could not keep your eyes and hands off of each other. Some years passed. Children arrived, jobs changed, responsibilities grew and little by little, your relationship transformed into something it had never been before. The fairy tale faded and was replaced by security, companionship and responsibility. Gone were the moments of excitedly discovering new things about each other. Sex had become commonplace and not nearly as satisfying or frequent as it had been before. From time to time, the thought may have entered your mind that you possibly could have married the wrong person. In a word, the bloom was off the rose and, for the life of you, you could not imagine why.

Let’s return to the topic of fundamental biological programming. As far as Mother Nature was concerned, your love life had completed what it was intended to accomplish: Bring offspring and create a safe environment for them to grow into adults who would, then, repeat the full romantic cycle you had just been through. As long as the children were safe and provided for, Mother Nature did not appear to care what came of your romantic relationship. Half of marriages end up in divorce and so now appeared to 50% of the population to be an appropriate time to initiate that phase.

If all this sounds a bit depressing, it is. However, there is some good news and all is not lost. If this is an appropriate time for divorce for some people, it is also the ideal time to re-kindle that spark that drew you together in the beginning. And this, my friends, is what this piece is really all about. You see, your assignment, as an aware and advanced member of the human race is to take control of your life and create it anew as you always wanted it to be. Your assignment is not just to please Mother Nature.

So, how are you planning on re-kindling the amorous spark with a person that you now know as well as a pair of very old shoes in which you have walked many miles? You now have the richness of your story together, of family and experiences which you have earned and accumulated together over the years. Assuming that the fundamental relationship is solid, there is simply no reason that you can’t start things up again. It won’t be precisely the same as it was at the start although it can be even better, but in a different way.

Realize that the person who was inside of your new love the day you met him or her is still there and can be brought out if you know how to accomplish that. Further, that person wants to come out but doesn’t quite know how. Perhaps they are waiting for permission, an invitation or some other sign of encouragement. Here is where your wisdom comes in and, if you listen to it, it will guide you to happiness. All that’s required is your willingness and just maybe a bit of audacious courage.

As you enter this phase, remember a thing that you were supposed to know when you were first dating: Men and women are not wired the same. If you are female, you want to appeal to your mate’s sense of logic because that’s the way he processes things for the most part. If you are male, you want to remember that your task of re-kindling your love life will not occur until you discover a way to waken your mate’s emotions. This is because, as a woman, that’s the way she is wired. In other words, don’t waste time trying to explain to her why it would be good if you re-kindled the spark but, rather, just re-kindle the spark. Don’t just tell her you love her: Show her, by your every action, that you do. If there is anything remaining at all of that girl you once knew, she will respond.

In your efforts to communicate with each other to achieve a positive result, be sure not to fall into the trap of believing you know what your mate is about to think or say, based on your past history of them. If you can always retain a fresh perspective with an open mind that lives in the present, you might just hear or feel what you need to understand. Being able to re-kindle the spark is based on being willing to retain a fresh perspective in the present. After all, we live in the present moment and not in the past.

Good luck to both of you! Romantic companionship is life’s greatest gift. Never let it get away!

One more thing…

It occurs to me that there is still another level to which we, as human beings can ascend to if we are ready and willing to do that. I am beginning to think that if we are having problems in our lives and have been unable to discover solutions to them, it is only because we have not yet realized our full potential. I am talking about becoming aware of what some people would call “your higher self.” Your higher self is your full potential. It has always existed. The only problem is that you have been partially or completely unaware of it. Living life to your full, unlimited potential is the true road to all problem solving.

Let me finish by giving you a small example of what I mean. When an unfertilized human egg enters the womb it has the possibility to turn out to be either a male or a female. In that moment, in a way, it has everything. It is neither male nor female: It is all of those things. Once fertilized, that egg goes off on a journey to become either a male or a female human being. I said above that men and women are wired differently in terms of logic and emotions. It is also important to realize that women use logic every day and men are emotional every day. It’s just that men respond for the most part in a logical way and women respond in a more emotional fashion. Logic comes from the left side of the brain while emotions come from the right side and yet, the brain, as a whole, contains both.

The higher self lives in awareness that it, like the unfertilized egg contains it all without limitation and that any part of that all can be accessed at any moment to solve any problem. Let’s start living from that place of being it all so that we ca n have it all.

© 2011 Robert M. Gillespie, Jr.

write by Radley

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