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How do you save your marriage when it is heading for the rocks? Apart from the devastating effects of separation on those involved in the marriage, it is not unheard of that, years down the line under the right circumstances, some couples come back together and eventually make a success of their relationships. They realise that they made mistakes; that they could have stayed together and worked through their differences. They could have been more understanding with each other and reaped the benefit of the happiness that could have been.
A Time For Reflection
So before plunging your marriage into separation or worse still divorce, take time alone and really consider whether there is anything worth saving in your marriage. I guess like every other marriage, you have the good and the bad points in your marriage too. If the good does out-weigh the bad points then you have a pretty decent chance of saving your marriage. This is very simple, but it is not going to be as easy to achieve. It requires honest and brutal examination to come up with the right answers. However if you want to save your marriage you have to be determined and fight for it.
Forgiveness – It’s All About Perspective
Once you have resolved to do all you can to save your marriage, then you can move to the next step. And that is to forgive with the right perspective. This is another simple yet difficult step to accomplish. If this were not so, everyone would forgive their spouse and life will be cushy. However we need to learn to forgive our partner’s of all the hurt and the pain caused along the way and focus on addressing those problematic issues that lead to separation. You want to forgive, because if you were in your mate’s shoes you would want to be forgiven. Just as he or she is not perfect, neither are you. OK so you didn’t make those dreadful mistakes but then could you possibly have made other mistakes? So you forgive because your mate is not perfect just as you are not; you forgive because you have the strength to do so; you also forgive because you think your marriage is worth it.
Forgiveness sets you on the path to saving your marriage and healing your relationship. Forgiveness helps you focus on the positive traits that exist in your marriage. It rekindles the love and attraction that brought you together in the first place. Forgiveness is also the foundation that will strike a chord in your spouse that will help them reconnect with you and what is dear to you both. So instead of blaming your spouse, focus on the good and positives that they bring to your union and forgive them for the wrong that has taken place. Are you strong enough to do this? It takes a lot of strength to forgive.
How Realistic Are Your Expectations?
The next crucial step you need to consider in knowing how to save your marriage is how to set realistic expectations for yourself and your marriage. This has a practical application in just about every aspect of your family life. As an example, assuming you are used to your spouse coming straight home after work with very little social life that you are excluded from. If he then decides to start attending the regular football league instead and it coincides with your weekly shopping agenda, you may need to reset your expectations to accommodate this new development instead of making a fuss over it and end up having an argument. This is just an example, but back to the analogy, you could decide to do your shopping alone; or you could make it a social event and invite a friend out before heading to the shops or better still you could look for ways to reschedule the timing so he can participate in his sports game and you both go shopping at a more convenient time. This will probably work better than you insisting that he cancels his time out with friends because your weekly shopping had that time slot. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work like that.
Changing Your Partner Won’t Work
The truth of the matter is that we cannot change each other. So don’t even try to change your spouse. Change occurs when we as individuals embrace the required change and work to improve ourselves. With that said, how we save our marriage depends on us embracing the change required to improve our marriage while learning to accommodate the particular ‘bents’ of our partners.
write by Erastus
