The Secrets to Becoming Rich Fast, Having Better Sex & Unlimited Happiness

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After all, isn’t that what everyone wants? Money, Sex, and Happiness. Okay, I forgot being powerful, living longer, having a model-looking spouse, and being your own boss. And add to that being famous, funny, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and having x-ray vision. No wait, the last two were my wishes.

Well, never mind, you get the point. There is always something we want that we don’t already have. We envy those around us that do have certain “benefits.” That might include those having a better job that pays more, having the handsome husband (with the great butt), being able to travel a bunch or owning the bigger house or the fancier sports car. What’s that all about anyway? How can all your friends appear to be better off than you? Do they have a direct line to what you want and then go out and get it all first? Does that seem fair?

Appearances can be deceiving. Is the couple next door with the Beamer and the sailboat way happier than you? Does the wife with the new large boobs really smile more or is it your imagination? And how would you know? You never really look at her face, do you? The people at work dress better than you. How does that young secretary afford those Italian shoes and Gucci bags? What if I told you they were fakes? Could you actually spot a knockoff anyway? Is happiness dependent on material things like clothes and jewelry? My wife might be nodding yes but I’m not so sure.

I’ve got oodles of stuff, but I’m not always 100% happy at all times. Why? Aren’t the big-screen HD TV’s enough? Sure, but I have other issues that involve relationships; more specifically, family. First, the kids, albeit our young adults, cause their fair amount of stress. There is always the latest drama occurring in their lives that include us, to some degree. Then there’s the brother-in-law going through a divorce. How about the sister who is married to a control-freak and part-time idiot. Did I mention the neighbors that are doing their best white-trash impression and the ones across the street that are either dealing drugs or have Ebay-like auctions in their house. There’s a new car parked there daily and it is intriguing, if not worrisome. But we attempt to keep to ourselves and occupy our time with a home-based business and various hobbies.

Being semi-retired is a blast and one of my hobbies it writing online articles, like this one. Now, if you have read this so far waiting for me to tie this back to the headline, you won’t be disappointed. To reward your loyalty, I shall answer the secrets to success. First, you want to be rich, right? Run down to the local courthouse and fill out the papers to legally change your name to Richard. Hence you are now Rich. Now that was easy, wasn’t it?

On to project number two. You want better sex? If you have a partner, ask what you can do to please them and then ask that they do the same for you. It works every time. If that fails or you have no partner, revert to a number of amazing toys that can be ordered off the Internet. I guarantee that they will perform upon demand.

Finally, the secret to happiness is the have less misery. Decide what’s making you sad or upset and (a) ask them to stop or leave, (b) dispose or dismantle the oppressive thing, (c) paint it a bright color or cover it in a tarp, or (d) close your eyes and imagine they’re in hell. I do that with the neighbors each day. That would be the last one, option (d). It should make you feel better and therefore, happier. I hope I have helped you to finding a better life because my goal is to be the bearer of good news. It may not make my idiot brother-in-law any smarter, but it brightens my day knowing that someone else out there understands just how I feel.


write by Duncan

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